so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
