Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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