I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
