Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
