I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
