I feel like abortions should bother me more
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
