i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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