my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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