how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love you.
Bad choice
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
