How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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