Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
