My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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