we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
