My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
