i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize