woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
