There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
