he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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