Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
