Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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