guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
