Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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