Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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