Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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