Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
