oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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