She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
