I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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