I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
