my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
