I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
