The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
