Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize