my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
