If i come over, it means nothing
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
