Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
