I swear she didn't look like that last week.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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