life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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