Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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