Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
