i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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