I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
