She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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