too bad you live with your parents still
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
