is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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