I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
