why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
