Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
