brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A+ Viking dick
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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