new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize