I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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