sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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