yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
