I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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