Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
