I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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