Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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