I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
did i just pee glitter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
