Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
