We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
