i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
