Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
