went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
one might say we're banned from that church
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize