There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
