I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize