I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if only i could text you this smell
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
