Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
