Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
