Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
