I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You are the jesus of drinking
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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