I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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