Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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