i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
