That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
