I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
