I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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