I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
